It's Wednesday! I hope today marks a feeling of accomplishment toward your goal of being a better person~ Today I'm dedicating this page to my sister-in-law, Carolyn, who lost her husband--my brother Nelson--last year. And their son Geoff has expressed his need for some thoughts toward getting past the pain. I'm not sure at all that this observation from C.S. Lewis will help in any way to heal their grief, but it's a start. And that's what I wanted to do--give them all the caring I'm able to by moving in a thoughtful direction. So Carolyn & Geoff, I hope this expression of grief from Lewis helps.
~
Lewis is grieving the loss of his wife, Joy, when he says: Grief still feels like fear. Perhaps, more strictly, like suspense. Or like waiting; just hanging about waiting for something to happen. It gives life a permanaently provisional feeling. It doesn't seem worth starting anything. I can't settle down. I yawn, I fidget , I smoke too much. Up till this I always had too little time. Almost pure time, empty successiveness.
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Lewis says: I think I am beginning to understand why grief feels like suspense. It comes from the frustration of so many impulses that had become habitual. Thought after thought, feeling after feeling, action after action, had H. for their object. Now their traget is gone. I keep on through habit fitting an arrow to the string; then I remember and have to lay the bow down. So many roads lead thought to H. I set out on one of them. But now there's an impassable frontier-post across it. So many roads once; now so many culs de sac.
~
I'm thinking of everyone who has lost a loved one, including myself. My husband died September 27, 1996. His family needs him, as we are going through some family troubles, and we all miss his bright light of reason which suddenly made us feel calm. It's still hard to believe that Nelson is not here with us. God be with you all as you cope with your grief. Remember how very much God loves you.
Blessings...Mimi
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